“Become dust - & they will throw thee in the air; Become stone - & they will throw thee on glass." Muhammad Iqbal *Beyond the bushes, boiling with dust, is 4Shoes West boundary road.

Thursday, 17 March 2016

Setting Personal Boundaries

Lately I've been thinking a lot about a particular someone who has been abusive for a very long time; unfortunately she happens to be a blood relative, complicating matters. 
The biggest complication has been that my father has insisted that I be the one to go the extra mile - and I have. Repeatedly. What Dad doesn't seem to understand is that I can DO an extra mile or two; but dealing with Sammi is more like running back to back marathons. Another complication is that Sammi seems to revel in being difficult; she is the type of person who digs & digs until she finally hits a chord, & then she laughs at the weakness of her victim. 
She laughs while others cry, & she mocks their honest feelings. 
To me, that's just out & out cruelty that I cannot understand. 
This is not her, but the look on this kid's mug illustrates Sammi's attitude.
It's been a lifetime of  dealing with her moods & prejudices.
I am just... tired.  
Tired of being attacked, abused, & mocked.
Sammi was a sourpuss from the day she was born, & she hasn't sweetened any with age.
Tired of trying & failing. 
Tired of getting beaten up & denigrated & humiliated. 
I am tired of Sammi. Period.
If Sammi had cute whiskers like this, maybe she wouldn't be so hard to take. Probably not though. 
But I am especially tired of disappointing my Dad; I've let him down by not being able to win her over. I wish he could understand how hard I have tried, but I just don't think I can do any more.
Sammi has taken 'resting bitchface' to a permanent life condition.
She is a difficult person all around & she NEVER makes anything easy, much less pleasant.
So, when is it okay to tell a relative that they have outlived their welcome in your life ?
She wore a cute little sundress to her court appearance*,  batted her eyelashes & put on her best "aw shucks, I'm an angel" smile, but the Judge wasn't shoveling up her cowflops for a minute & he promised her a prison sentence if she ever appeared before him again. Lucky Sammi, her DUI trial (& subsequent conviction) was adjudicated before a different Court.
*Sammi was convicted for repeatedly making threats & assaulting a young girl in our hometown because she "didn't like that girl's face" (as if that were a perfectly valid reason). After the 1st assault conviction, she was smart enough to stop attacking the girl herself, instead recruiting her friends to torment the girl on her behalf. 30 years hasn't changed Sammi's disposition much either.   


  1. Sad situation, for sure. Usually I'm a go the extra mile for family type. When one relationship is severed, it affects everyone...especially the parents. But if you've tried to resolve the issues and can't, you have to protect yourself, too. :(

    1. It affects everyone.... Yes, that's why I've tried so hard, so often. But the reality it that it's one-sided & she's toxic to me. I have to let go of the notion that it will ever be different.

  2. How terrible to be tormented like that. Avoidance is my policy in a similar situation.

    1. I can't do it anymore, I've decided.

  3. I think you're right to avoid her. I've had enough of those people.

    1. Avoiding her won't be too hard; convincing my parents not to try to force us together might be a little harder (I hate to disappoint them).

  4. Dear Mrs Shoes, these are open words and thank you for sharing. I like to reach out with my hand and pull you a little to my site. I'm not a good family type, but I care if I have to. At my site you can rest and assemble your forces. These forces you should spend on convincing your parents, especially your dad. And 'avoiding' is the first step, but your are not done with the matter ... Like Moritz said: Compost it. But for that you have to be smart, you have to be hardworking and you need a lot of time. Best wishes!

  5. I think Moritz is a smart cookie - since it's shit that is the problem, composting is only makes sense. Bravo Moritz!


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